School & Blended Families
At the beginning of every school year my family navigates the same issue : how do we communicate to the teacher how our blended family works? How much should they know? When should we provide more details? Here I’ll share some basic considerations and tips for communicating with teachers and other educators.
Considerations:
Consider the Teacher’s Perspective:
The teacher’s role is to educate the children. They don’t need to know all the intricacies of your blended family - they just need to know how it might impact your stepkid’s learning. It is not the teacher’s job to be a referee or be the mediator between you and the other home.
Consider the School Counselor:
Sometimes there are details that are important for the school to know - but it may be something the school counselor could assist with. Example: if your stepkid is struggling with transitions between homes, or isn’t getting their homework completed at the other house. The school counselor can be that unbiased third party.
Consider Legal Limitations: Depending on the state/school district/school/custody order….there are certain things a school can’t legally do. Example: having the stepmom added to the pick-up list without both parents’ approval. Sometime we want the school to do something they really can’t so it’s important to know of any legal hurtles.
Tips:
Contact Information: If you are wanting/needing to receive communication from the school it may be harder to get the school on board or consistent with emailing you. It’s so frustrating us stepmoms have to work so hard to be acknowledged! To make it SO much easier, my husband and I use a joint family email account for all things related to my SS. This way, the school only has TWO emails (ours and BM’s) to keep track of.
Custody Schedule: My SS’s bus schedule changes weekly based on what house he’s at. We provide the school with a copy of the parenting plan, and even go so far as to create a calendar that indicates our custody schedule/ including any changes due to holidays etc. This has been super helpful when my SS was younger and he didn’t always know where he was supposed to go.
Stay Solution Focused: Whenever you are communicating to the teacher or counselor, stay on task and solution focused. Meaning, the educators don’t need to know about frustrations of co-parenting or how the other house isn’t participating in homework.
Include All Parents: Even if you are Parallel Parenting, it’s important to include the other home in communication with the school. This sets up the expectation of mutual respect and shows the teacher who is to be included.
Sample Letter
Podcast Episode
Season 3:Episode 6: School Stress & Blended Families - Tips and Tricks from teachers
In a blended family navigating the schools and teachers can be super frustrating. Add a pandemic and remote learning, and it's even more complicated. How do you tell the teachers about the different households? How do you make sure everything is being communicated? What about teacher conferences? In this Episode, Christina chats with Betty, Mallory, Eric And Cassidy all who work in schools and have blended families of their own. They share their insider wisdom and what blended families can do to stress less.
