The Story Behind “Mom is a Verb”
It’s the RSMP slogan… it’s on sweatshirts, stickers and tanks…but WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Simply put, being a mom isn’t just someone you ARE - that would be a noun. Being a mom is also what you DO. It’s an action.
The birth of “Mom is a Verb” actually came from an email my husband wrote to my stepson’s mom. She was angry because my SS started calling me “Mom”. I share more details about that here. At this point my husband was pretty tired of her dismissal of my role and he wrote:
“Whether you like it or not, Chris' role has already been determined. Not by you or I, but by our son. He is the one that calls her "Momma" when he's here. Not because she has replaced you in any way, but because that is how he sees her. Being a mom isn’t just who you are, it’s what you do. She does Momma like things. She makes him dinner, reads him stories before bed, gives him baths, plays with him, brushes his teeth, cleans up his accidents, etc. So she is "Chris Momma" to him. He knows the difference between you two. Rest assured, you are still at the top of the list. Which you seem to have no problem reminding her of every time you state, “You will understand some day when you have a child of your own". However, what I think you should consider, is the fact that she does all this knowing she is at the bottom of the list. Can you even begin to imagine how that would make her feel? To perform all the duties and responsibilities, and to give herself completely and still get almost none of the benefits. I can't think of many things more selfless. What more could you want for your child than someone like this to be in their life, if it can’t always be you. So I ask you, what exactly is your problem?”
The last line is pretty killer, right? We never got a response from this email, but she did let go of the “mom” thing.
So why the slogan?
It’s more of a mantra, really. I want stepmoms to feel empowered in knowing that it’s what they DO that matters, not the fact of having birthed a child from your body. I want stepmoms to feel seen, supported and appreciated in all the ways they love their families. I want the stigma of “stepmom” to change and for it to be a badge of honor. StepMOM, bonus MOM… however you identify…you’re doing the hard stuff. If you’re reading bedtime stories, losing sleep thinking about their well—being, packing lunches and wiping their butts and tears… girl, you’re in it.
People may minimize or dismisses our role… but we know we matter. We know we’re enough.
